daftlypunk:

i hit my coworkers shoulder lightly and he was like “you’re going to make me cry like a girl” and i was like “what’s wrong with being a girl?” and he was quiet for a moment then he looked into the distance and whispered “the social standards they’re forced to live by”

(Source: thebloodrage)

Peter Capaldi, photograph by Carolyn Cole

(Source: gatissmark)

shylax:

I’m glad there’s finally a term for this type of asshole.

shylax:

I’m glad there’s finally a term for this type of asshole.

(Source: bedabug)

  • Job Interview
  • Employer: What are your hopes and goals for the future?
  • Me: I just...really need Ian Gallagher to be okay.

twowhovianhearts:

tardiscrash:

crowley-for-king:

to-boldly-go-down-on-me:

The idea that nerds are awkward and don’t ever socialize is the stupidest stereotype ever because like

Have you ever seen two nerds together?

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN A CONVENTION?

Give us a topic of a common interest and we’ll socialize way past what normal people can tolerate.

Just because we don’t want to talk to you doesn’t mean we don’t want to talk.

image

(Source: fucksebastianstan)

foodffs:

No-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Pretzel Cookies

Really nice recipes. Every hour.

ylvisfaen:

Reason #93435802 why I love Norway:

A few days ago, a one-year-old Border Collie was killed by a farmer, right in front of the owner. The dog had showed no aggression, but the farmer was sick of dogs scaring his sheep, so he shot the dog twice without a warning and left him to bleed to death in his owner’s arms. 

Over a thousand people gathered for a memorial ceremony for this beautiful dog, and 100 tennis balls with the dog’s name, Tønes, were given out, so when people play with their dogs, they can remember him. 

There is a lot of shit going on in the world, and this probably not going to change anything, but I just think this is really amazing. 

Sources x and x

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.
Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.
Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.
The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.
I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.
The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.
So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.
Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.
Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

professorfangirl:

prokopetz:

This is the one time of year that I love wasps.

Not because the wasps themselves get any nicer. They’re horrid little creatures year round. No, it’s because I have a couple of big apple trees out back, and late August, early September is when the apples start ripening.

Now, if you don’t harvest your own fruit, there are two things you need to know about apples.

The first thing you need to know about apples is that, when apples get ripe, they tend to fall from the tree at the slightest breeze.

I often work late at the office; by the time I get home, there are piles of apples scattered everywhere - and sure enough, the wasps are out in force, gorging themselves on the fruit. When I go to clean up the windfallen apples, the wasps naturally do the “rawr, I’ma fuck you up!” routine for which wasps are known.

The second thing you need to know about apples is that they ferment very rapidly in the late August heat.

So: the wasps try to come at me, but they’re too drunk to fly. They get about an inch off the ground, then faceplant directly into the turf, flip over onto their backs, and lay there, legs twitching in the air as they try in vain to find something to sting.

Perhaps I’m a man of simple pleasures, but I bust up laughing every. single. time.

Fucking wasps.

I tried to reblog this with a witty tag, but Tumblr took it as serious advice:

image

hellgated:

karaokeandmime:

drunktrophywife:

dennys:

Some Denny’s booths you enter and enjoy a nice meal, others you enter and travel magnificent distances through space and time….

Denny’s is a superwholockian

Denny’s what the hell

hellgated:

karaokeandmime:

drunktrophywife:

dennys:

Some Denny’s booths you enter and enjoy a nice meal, others you enter and travel magnificent distances through space and time….

Denny’s is a superwholockian

Denny’s what the hell

(Source: firmlygr4spit)

petersqvill:

but on a serious note, WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?

image